23.01.12

Disturbo Ossessivo Compulsivo: pensieri pedofili e omosessuali

Mi chiamo Rebecca, ho 24 anni e da parecchi anni soffro di Disturbo Ossessivo Compulsivo.
Nella mia vita mi sono sempre innamorata e preso forti cotte e sbandate per i ragazzi ...oro sto felicemente da 4 anni con un ragazzo meraviglioso e da qualche tempo conviviamo ... però ... c'è un però ... Da tanto tempo ormai questi dubbi mi assillano: “non è che sei lesbica?”, “e se scopri che ti piacciono le ragazze?”, “se non sono solo fantasie?”, “e se fai soffrire il tuo ragazzo perchè un giorno scoprirai di essere omosessuale?” ... Quando vedo una ragazza, mi vengono pensieri e dubbi del tipo: “cosa vorresti fare con lei?”, “le vorresti leccare la vagina?”. “ALLORA VEDI CHE SEI LESBICA!!! Ti piace?”.

Purtroppo questi dubbi arrivano anche durante il rapporto sessuale con il mio ragazzo: “se fosse una donna, ti piacerebbe di più?”, “ma ti piace il pene?”, “sei sicura?”. Ancor prima di fare l'amore mi arrivano questi pensieri, che vorrei non avere e non riesco a lasciarmi andare. Vado in ansia, mi agito e la testa non è rivolta al piacere, ma intenta a capire e a rispondere alle tante domande.

Le ossessioni arrivano anche quando vedo dei bambini ... anche neonati ... pensieri a contenuto pedofilo: “cosa ci vorresti fare con quel bambino?” “Fai veramente schifo ... ma come farai un giorno ad avere dei figli?”, “e se mentre li cambi, ti vengono strane idee in testa?”. Questi pensieri sono assurdi perchè non fare mai del male ad un bambino e mi creano angoscia.

A fine giugno ho preso coraggio e sono andata in terapia. Ho capito di soffrire di disturbo ossessivo compulsivo. Nel momento in cui arrivano i pensieri ossessivi provo emozioni negative: paura, ansia a mille, terrore, senso di colpa, tutto questo mi porta a ricercare immediatamente spiegazioni del perchè ho questi pensieri, rispondo a tutti i dubbi e sento il bisogno di confessare a mia madre tutto quello che mi passa per la mente. Ho capito che così facendo provo sollievo dalle mie paure ma è solo temporaneo, tutto riprende nell'arco di qualche minuto o ore, poi ritorna un altro pensiero, provo ansia, emetto compulsioni e l'emozione negativa diminuisce. Io sono li intrappolata in questo circolo vizioso fin da quando sono bambina.

Ho iniziato ad ascoltare tutti i santi giorni una cassetta in cui sono state registrate le ossessioni che invadono la mia mente. Ho imparato ad essere consapevole della loro presenza, li chiamo per nome e cerco di prenderne distanza.

Ho imparato che per poter allontanare quella bestia malefica bisogna competere, competere a più non posso e non lasciarlo ASSOLUTAMENTE PARLARE.

Vedo una bella ragazza in un video musicale che balla in modo sensuale e provocatorio ... sento arrivare il doc da lontano ...tadann ...eccolo: “ti piace?”, “ti eccita?”, “allora vedi che sei lesbica ...”. Se prima gli lasciavo finire di dire tutta la frase, ora "al ti piace?", dico STOP!!!! NON MI ROMPERE, NON TI ASCOLTO, taglio corto e vado avanti, penso a qualcos'altro e mi concentro su quello che sto facendo. Mi concentro sul presente. Ho capito che questa è la mia forza. TAGLIARE CORTO SUBITO!!!

Un altro esercizio simpatico che mi ha fatto fare la Dott.ssa Narduzzo è stato quello di prendere in giro il DOC. Appena mi arrivano i pensieri ossessivi, li ripeto facendo una vocina da scema tipo quella da babbo Natale o da vecchietta giusto per far sentire il DOC ridicolo, prendere distanza emozionale e non farmi travolgere. Così facendo le ossessioni che prima mi angosciavano, ora perdono di importanza.

Con la terapia cognitivo comportamentale i pensieri si sono affievoliti e sono sempre meno presenti e più deboli. Ho iniziato anche a fare sport e lì mi scarico tantissimo, svagando la mente e rilassando il corpo.

Purtroppo quella bestia malefica ti attacca proprio dove tu ti senti forte, quando stai bene e quando pensi di aver vinto tu, facendoti venire dubbi con le persone più care. Per esempio, ora che ho imparato a gestirlo sul fronte pedofilo e omosessuale, mi sta attaccando sulla mia relazione affettiva. E' un'ossessione per me nuova, ho paura e mi sento in colpa: “e se ti sei presa una cotta per il ragazzo della palestra?”, “ami ancora il tuo fidanzato?", “se l'amore finisce?, lo farai sentire malissimo, lo farai soffrire, dovrete vendere casa, facendo andare tutto a rotoli. Cosa ci faresti con il ragazzo nuovo?”. Ho la testa in fumo e non riesco più a ragionare, non sono lucida. E' proprio ora che non bisogna arrendersi, bisogna tirare fuori gli attributi e fargli vedere sul serio chi comanda.

Ho capito che con il passare del tempo il contenuto del DOC può cambiare, è importante riconoscerlo, chiamarlo per nome e prendere distanza. Se andassi dietro ai pensieri, rinuncerei ad andare in palestra, invece so che devo vivere la stessa situazione con maggior serenità e tranquillità, concentrandomi sull'attività sportiva. Sono consapevole ed accetto che i pensieri arriveranno, ma li lascio andare.

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Commento di: MEG [Visitatore] Email
Ciao rebecca ,la tua storia mi ha fatto piangere,ho capito di non essere sola ,anche a me un mese fa mi hanno diagnosticato il disturbo ossessivo compulsivo, è all'inizio è stato un sollievo perche da 8 anni che soffro di pensieri riguardo alla pedofilia e penso di essere un moustro,mi questiono spesso e tutte queste domande mi tormentano al punto di non lasciarmi vivere, esco di casa e non voglo trovare dei bambini in giro,penso e se mi piacciono??, mi sento uno schifo! mi fa paura dover lasciare la mia vita per questo pensiero che mi insegue,mi sono sposata da poco e a volte non so nemmeno se amo ancora mio marito.questo pensiero mi sta distruggendo la vita,anch'io racconto tutto a mia madre però mi vergogno di dirgliele queste cose mi fa sentire strana anche ai suoi occhi,quando mio marito mi dice ti amo non so come sentirmi penso:cosa ami di me?io sono un moustro ...vivo molto male ,ora da due mesi ho iniziato una psicoterapia sistemico-relazionale,so che questo disturbo si cura con la cognitivo-comportamentale ,pero questa persona che mi sta trattando mi ispira fiducia,è da poco che ci vado ,vediamo come va ,prendo anche dei farmaci como la fluoxetina e gli antiansiolitici,ma confeso che non vedo l'ora di guarire e cominciaread avere una vita felice.
PermalinkPermalink 04.08.12 @ 11:53
Commento di: davide [Visitatore] Email
Ciao. Anche a me e' stato diagnosticato il disturbo ossessivo compulsivo. A me viene da toccare mio padre e allora nascono le domande: saro' attratto da lui? Perchè mi viene da toccarlo? E il pensiero c'è e mi infastidisce...
PermalinkPermalink 05.12.12 @ 20:23
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Commento di: Lucio Odisei [Visitatore] Email · http://liberidaossessioni.it
Buongiorno.

Ho sofferto anche io di Disturbo Ossessivo Compulsivo e per fortuna ne sono uscito. Per me è stata fondamentale la meditazione.

Mi piacerebbe sapere che cosa ne pensa.
Grazie

Lucio
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Sono una ragazza bipolare, non so se ho il doc, ho subito una molestia nell'infanzia da mio padre, solo da una decina di anni ho dei pensieri ossessivi che sono iniziati dopo aver sentito delle voci che mi accusavano e mi minacciavano di cose mai esistite, atroci. Ora non le sento più,stavo bene, ho iniziato un percorso di psicoterapia, ma ultimamente essendo stressata ho degli incubi frequenti ossessivi che delle volte si presentano anche durante la giornata sotto forma di pensiero. Sono talmente ripugnanti che a volte penso anche al suicidio perchè anche solo pensare queste cose mi fa stare malissimo e se dovessi diventare come mi ha causato questo stato preferirei non vivere più, ho un profondo odio verso tutto questo e delle volte mi sembra come se qualcuno pensi al mio posto...
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Commento di: Yopet [Visitatore]
Anche io ho sofferto di doc (aggressivo) ma ora sono guarita. Sono gay, felice di esserlo. Mi angoscia leggere storie come questa in cui le persone mettono l'omosessualità e la pedofilia al pari, allo stesso posto, come se l'omosessualità sia una cosa non normale proprio come la pedofilia... Sia chiaro, mi dispiace per questa ragazza...ma io credo che un conto è essere tristi perché non si è in grado di essere sé stessi e un'altro conto è essere omofobi...
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